A Real Life Twilight Spoof
by Gabby321
Summary: This is like the original Twilight story, but way different. It is a major comedy that will really make you laugh. Please read and enjoy it! Comment and Review! P.S. The story is a lot better than the summary I gave, I promise!


**Hey everyone! This is Gabby again, writing my first story for my new account, Gabby321. This story is going to be a comedy. I will accept any ideas or requests you have and somehow put them into my story. This story is going to be based on Twilight again. This story is a real life Twilight story that is fiction. I know, it's confusing, so sorry. And I know, some of the names are made up. I just tried to make them similar to the originals'. LOL. Please R&R! Love Gabby.**

A Real Life Twilight Spoof

Chapter 1: Don't Mistake this for the Original

So my mom and I got out of the taxi. We stood outside of the Phoenix Sky Harbor airport. My left hand held my yellow suitcase and my old duffel bag while my right hand held my mom's two jumbo- sized luggage cases. "Mom, can you give me a hand?" I asked. "These are really heavy."

"Becca, you're fine. My hands are full, can't you see?" she answered as she put on her lip gloss.

"Oh, you're right, Mom. How stupid of me to ask such a question." I said sarcastically.

"Shanae! We're boarding our plane right now. Come on!" I heard someone call from the distance. Oh yeah, it was just Dill, my jackass stepfather. He and my mom were moving to Florida because he was coaching coach pitch for the Jacksonville Little League.

"Okay, Dill. I'll be right there!" she told him. Then she looked at me. "My bags, please?"

"You have to check them in, Mom. They're too big to be carry-on, and your plane is leaving right now." I tried to inform her, but she wouldn't listen.

"Becca, just give me the damn bags. I have my ways. I'll get my bags on the plane somehow."

"Fine." I said solemnly, while handing her her bags. Then she started walking over to her gate. "Wait, Mom!" She looked back like she was annoyed.

"What?"

"I'm going to live with my dad, on the other side of the country. Aren't you gonna say anything to me?" She looked puzzled.

"Oh, yeah. Say hi to Harley for me when you get to Forks." She said, then ran over to Dill.

"Love you, too, Mom." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

After my mom and Dill boarded their plane, I checked in my bag and went through security. My plane didn't leave for another hour and a half, so I went and got McDonald's from the food court. Some chicken nuggets and a McFlurry really hit the spot.

Finally, it was time for my plane to leave. I got up, gave my ticket to the person, and boarded my plane. I was in the coach section, right in the middle of two teenage brothers. So as you can see, those next three hours or so were not very pleasant.

When I got off the plane, I immediately saw my dad, Mailman Harley Dove, waiting for me with a sign that said Rebecca Dove. "Hey, pumpkin." He greeted me with a hug.

"Hey, Dad." I said uncomfortably. My dad had been in prison many times before, so he was kind of weird to be around. People would either run as fast as they could when they saw his postal truck drive up or rejoice.

"So how was your flight, Becca?" My dad asked thoughtfully.

"Um, interesting." I answered.

"Care to give details?" he asked.

"Not really." I replied with a grin.

We stood there in awkward silence. "Ready to go see your new home, then?" My dad asked, trying way too hard.

"I guess." I laughed. My parents were complete opposites. I mean, there's my mom, Shanae, and then my dad, Harley. My mom is the most bitter, stuck-up, and mean person you will ever meet. She came back from shopaholics' rehab when she was eleven, and according to Grandma, she's been a bitch ever since. And then there's my dad, a felon, who's been in court at least four times, that tries as hard as he can to be nice after all that's happened to him. Well, I guess opposites attract.

When we got to the parking lot, my dad led me to his postal truck. I looked at him in disbelief. "Rice ride, huh?" he asked, and I think he was serious.

"I love it." I lied.

"I'm glad." Harley grinned at me. (FYI…I call my dad by his first name, Harley, but not to his face.) "Your new ride is back at home. You remember Willy Clack, don't you?"

I nodded my head. "I think so. Didn't I always hang out with his daughters when I would come visit?" I looked at Harley. "And isn't he the Quileute in the wheelchair?" I asked, trying not to offend him. Then I smiled to lighten the mood.

"Yep, that's exactly who it is. He's the one I bought your ride from. He and his son, Lake are gonna come drop it off later."

"Oh, yeah, I remember Lacob…very vaguely."

"When you see him, it'll jog your memory." I nodded. "Okay, then, let's get going?"

"Sure." I said, and then got in my dad's postal truck. Once again, there was awkward silence. If Harley and I talked more, it wouldn't be like this as often.

"So, Becca…" he started. "Your hair got shorter, and you dyed it?" Harley asked.

"Um, no, not really." I grinned. "My hair grew from the time I last saw you, and it's always been blonde. It's my natural color."

"Oh, I thought it was brown." Harley hit himself in the head jokingly. "My bad. So, what did you do then? You look different."

"I grew up." I replied humorously. "I'm seventeen now, Dad. I'm not a kid anymore."

"Oh, sorry, I forgot." Harley smiled. He really was a good guy, even though he was a little off. And again, hopefully for the last time, there was silence until Harley said, "Oh, look! We're home!"

As Harley drove the postal truck into the long driveway, I was in shock. The house was beautiful! It was a white and yellow mansion! There were multiple columns, balconies, and vines to decorate them. "Oh, my God, Dad, this house is amazing! Did you move or something? I don't remember the house being this awesome."

"Nope, I just did a little remodeling." He glared at me. "So I take it you like?"

"Hell, no, I don't like!" I screamed, and Harley looked at me like he was confused. "I love it!" I ran out of the car, and tried to open the front door. It was locked. "Damn it!" I muttered to myself. Then I looked under the 'Welcome' doormat. Again there was nothing. So I just waited for my dad to lock up the postal truck and open the house.

"Hold on a second, Becca." Harley told me as he was walking to the door. "I'll unlock it."

I felt so anxious as Harley put the key in the door. I anticipated every second until I heard it unlock. Harley opened the door and I ran inside. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"What's wrong, Becca?"

"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh my God, I love this house so much!" I said, half-singing OMG by Usher. "Dad, I should've came to live with you before. You're way nicer than Mom and you have a way better house! I didn't even know mailmen made so much money!"

"You do when you're the only one in the city." Harley chuckled. "Would you like to see your new room?" he asked a little too excitedly.

"Hell, yeah!" I replied. So Harley led me up the spiral staircase into the second room on the right. I walked in, and I had to stop myself from fainting. This was the best room I had ever seen! There was wood flooring, a California king-sized bed with an orange bedspread, the walls were painted yellow, there was a pink sofa, a 37" flat-screen TV, a walk-in closet painted green, a Mac computer on a desk, and my own bathroom, painted purple.

"So, what do you think?" Harley asked.

"I frickin am in love with this house." I replied. "Can I go check out the rest of the Dove Manor?"

"Of course. I'll be downstairs if you need anything." So I went downstairs and checked out the house. The kitchen was huge. It was like being inside one of the sets on the Food Network channel. In it was an electric stove, a double oven, a microwave, and everything you could ever want in a kitchen. In the house, all the walls were painted pale yellow and all the floors were wood. In the living room, there was a huge flat-screen TV, and X-Box, a Wii, a pool table, and like eight sofas. Then I made my way to the dining room. There was a huge twenty-two seater table and a TV right behind it. In all of the bathrooms, there was a toilet, a bath/shower, and a flat-screen TV. Then I went back upstairs, and there was just my dad's room, my room, and like four guest rooms.

Then I went in the backyard. There was a HUGE pool, two hot tubs,a bar, a room that could be made into a night club, and a mini golf course. What a place to throw a party. I was amazed.

When I went back inside, my dad was eating dinner, watching ESPN. "Becca, do you want some dinner? I made spaghetti."

"Nah, I'm fine. I'm really tired, so I'm gonna just go to bed."

"That's a good idea, considering you have school tomorrow."

"Huh?" I was puzzled. "Did I hear you right?"

"Depends what you thought I said."

"I have school tomorrow?"

Harley nodded. "You're going to Forks High School. It starts at 9:00 in the morning. Be ready early cause Willy and Lacob are coming to bring your ride over."

"Kay. Good night." I said as I walked up the staircase and into my room. I turned on my TV, set my alarm clock to 7:30, and fell asleep to an episode of True Life.

When my alarm clock went off the next morning, I was kind of pissed. I was really tired from traveling and stuff, so I wanted to sleep longer. But I knew I had to wake up and get ready for school, so I did. I stretched and got in the hot shower. Then I dried and straightened my long, blonde hair and put a headband in it, like usual. Then I put my powder and my black eye makeup on my tan skin. Finally, I put on a green t-shirt and a hoodie with a pair of ripped jeans. I think I looked pretty good. I looked at the clock, and it read 8:20, so I went downstairs and ate some breakfast.

"Becca, where are you?" Harley asked.

"I'm downstairs, Dad, eating some cereal."

"Well, you've got to hurry. Willy and Lake are outside with your ride."

"Oh, okay. I'll be right there." I said as I scarfed down the remnants of my Cheerios and ran my bowl to the sink. I was pretty anxious to see my new truck.

I ran outside the door, and saw Harley talking to Willy and Lake. Lacob smiled at me, and I returned it, then walked over and tapped Harley on the shoulder. "Oh, hey, Becca. You remember Willy and Lacob, right?"

I nodded. I looked over at Willy and Lake. Willy looked so unhappy, his long, black hair graying, his sight and hearing fading, and his spirit doing the same. But Lacob, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. His long, black hair blowing in the wind, with a smile never leaving his face. Kind of like Tim Urban, from this year's season of American Idol.

I nudged Harley. "Dad, it's 8:30. I need to get to school. Where's my truck?" I asked him while I looked around the driveway.

"I don't know, but your ride is in the back of Willy's truck. I'll get it in a second."

"Huh? What? Trucks don't fit inside trucks."

"I never said that you were getting a truck."

I didn't understand what Harley meant by that, so I went over to Willy's truck, and looked in the pickup bed. When I saw it, I was in shock. "Oh my God, Dad, you got me a bike?"

"I never said you were getting a _truck_. I specifically said _ride_ every time I brought it up."

"Shit. This is not going to be a fun transportation device." To tell you the truth, I was pretty angry. Now I would have to _exercise _to get to school, and exercising wasn't really my thing. I mean, I got all prettied up for nothing, then because bicycling is a very vigorous and intense exercise.

"Ooh, Becca, what a huge vocabulary you used." Lake teased.

"Well, hopefully people will accept me for who I am." I said, ignoring Lake's rude comment. "With my greasy hair, shiny face, and stanky armpits."

"Becca, it's not _that _bad." Harley said, trying to console me.

"I've gotta get to school." I replied.

"But…" Harley tried to say.

"Willy, Lacob, thanks for the bike. I really appreciate it." I lied, and then took the old, red, rusty bicycle from the pickup bed. After that, I started my long, sweaty, twenty minute journey to school.

When I got to school, people everywhere stared at me. People probably thought I looked disgusting! I would seriously have _no _friends. They'd probably say, 'Oh, look at that rich girl. She doesn't even take the time to bathe. Let's go make fun of her to her face.' Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but it's true. It's probably what would happen.

So after I parked my bike and ignored all of my laughing peers, I went to the front office to check in and stuff. On my way, I met this nerdy kid named Tyke. He had red hair, glasses, needed to use some Proactiv, and looked even worse than I did. If guys like him were the only ones giving me attention, I think I'd cry myself to sleep every night.

"Hey, I'm Tyke Shrewton." He said. "You must be the new girl, Rebecca Dove?"

"Um, yeah." I replied. "Though, I'd like to be called Becca."

"Oh ok. Do you need any help getting to your classes or anything?"

"No, I think I'm good. I'll ask you if I need anything."

"Sounds good. See you on the flipside." Awww, I loved nerds' little weird sayings!

So after I talked to Tyke, I went to the front office. The lady there gave me my schedule, a map of the school, some brochures on how to handle peer pressure and stuff, and a bar of soap. Are you kidding me, lady? I just bathed this morning! Damn that stupid bike.

"Oh, so _you're _the Mailman's daughter." The lady said.

"Yeah, what's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"What's what supposed to mean?"

"The enunciation of the 'you're'! And what's with the soap?"

"Oh, I'm just disappointed that you're the Mailman's daughter. I thought you'd be prettier since he's so good-looking. And the soap is just a reminder to bathe."

"You are such a bitch, lady! I am pretty and I do bathe! I bathed this morning! I just had to ride my frickin bike to get to school, which made me look gross." I blew up. "Now just check me in, damn it! I hope you lose your job."

"Fine." She said. And I went to my first period. I was so surprised, though, because she didn't even send me to the principal's office.

As I walked through the halls of the school, though, everyone looked at me. And they were not 'happy stares' that said 'Oh, I want to be your friend, or you're so pretty'. They were 'mean stares' that said 'Eww, you gross me out, or I hate you, or damn, you're ugly'. So I just avoided everyone and kept my head down because it was too much.

In first period, though, I finally met a few nice people. There were two girls named Tessica Franley and Frangela Teber. Tessica had short, brown hair and freckles while Frangela had long, curly, red hair. Then I met this guy named Derek Snorkie. He was kind of stalkerish, so I agreed to stay away from him.

Finally, it was lunch time. I sat with Tessica, Frangela, Derek, and Tyke, since they were kind of my friends. As I was eating my lunch, though, I noticed a family sitting at the table in the back of the cafeteria. "Who are they?" I asked Tessica.

"Oh, those are the Quillens. The skinny guy is Bennett, the really ugly girl is Toralie, the tall, skanky girl's name is Chalice, and the guy in the straight-jacket is Flasper. And then the goth guy, who's face is messed up, the middle child, his name is Tedward." She replied.

"What's wrong with them?"

"They're like so totally popular that they think no one understands them." I looked at Tessica confusedly. "I know, it makes no sense."

I kept taking small glances at them every few seconds, and they were still stuffing their faces with pizza. I was surprised that they were not humungous.

When lunch was over, I went to my next class, Biology. When I walked in, Tedward was there. I didn't know if I hoped I got to sit by him. "Good afternoon, class. This is the new student, Rebecca Dove." The teacher said.

"Becca." I muttered under my breath.

"Rebecca, you can go take a seat next to Mr. Quillen." I nodded, walked to the back of the room, and took the seat next to Tedward.

Tedward started talking right away. "Hello, Becca, how are you today?" he asked.

"Eh, I'm fine." I said and turned my focus back on the teacher.

"So…" he started. "Becca."

"What?"

"Becca."

"What?"

"Becca." He kept repeating, so I just stopped answering him. "Becca…Becca…Becca…Becca."

"WHAT?" I finally almost screamed.

"So, do you have any theories about me yet?" Tedward asked.

"Yes, I do. I suspect that you are an annoying, talkative, asshole that needs to shut up! I am trying to listen to the teacher, and you're doing anything but helping me concentrate, damn it! Go to hell Tedward Quillen!"

And apparently I said that so loud, that everyone in the classroom heard me. There were even people watching through the window. Again, everyone was staring at me, although this time it was probably not because people think I don't bathe. "Rebecca Dove!" the teacher said. "This is not a good way to start your first day of school! Go to the principal's office right now!"

So I got up, and started walking to the principal's office. "Worst day _ever_." I said to myself.

**So I hope you guys like my story so far! I know some of the names are stupid and made-up, but they all have a similarity to the original. I'm sorry if any of the interpretations of the characters offended anyone. It is a spoof and I'm just trying to be funny. Keep reading! Love you all lots! -Gabby **


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